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That way, you'll have an accessible reference point when a conflict arises. Print them out and display in a common area like the kitchen. Include your kids in the process of creating your household rules and the consequences for breaking them.
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Write it down and display it, just like the rule." Spell out the consequence for breaking the rule just as specifically as the rule itself. So choose something that he will actually be motivated about, whether it's the use of the car, having money, or being able to stay out as late as his friends. If you take away his phone, but he can just chat with his friends from his laptop, it's not going to work. "First, choose a consequence he actually cares about.
#Parenting you re doing it wrong how to
In my episode How to Effectively Impose Consequences for Bad Behavior, she recommended the following: The Savvy Psychologist had excellent advice in regards to setting consequences with my son. Be specific and then make the consequences equally as straightforward. Determine what your expectations for your kids are on everything from how they perform at school to curfews, household chores, and even things like using profanity and what their bedtime is during the school year. Consistency puts action behind your words it shows your kids that you do mean what you say.
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Once you commit to setting up boundaries and solid routines for your family, you need to pledge to carry them out.Ĭhildren thrive if parents can have clear expectations for behavior and enforce those standards consistently. If yesterday the expectation was that the child had to put their dirty dishes in the sink, and suddenly today they're allowed to leave them festering on the table, then what will be the case tomorrow? Once you set a household rule, stick to it. Nothing sends a more confusing message to a child than being inconsistent. Once you commit to setting up boundaries and solid routines for your family, you need to pledge to carry them out even during those times when you're exhausted, aggravated, or feeling lazy. Parenting Mistake #2: Sending mixed messages Once your kids know what to expect, you'll be able to implement clear guidelines for all areas of your life, and you'll stay on task with an orderly and chaos-free home.Ĭheck out the episode on How Routines Will Improve Your Life to learn simple tools for imposing stable routines in your home. She was right! My kids always did better when they had firm expectations.Īn easy way to set boundaries is to incorporate them into your daily routines. She also shared that kids, including teens, secretly crave boundaries. Her advice was to create a loving home environment that included rules and limitations. I had four kids under the age of three, and she saw how overwhelmed I was. My pediatrician turned me on to one of my greatest parenting weapons-setting and enforcing boundaries. I learned quickly that neither of those styles was for me, but a combination of both worked well. The complete opposite of a free-range style is that of a helicopter parent, one who constantly hovers over their child so if any problem arises, they're close by to solve it for them. A free-range parenting philosophy is about allowing children to grow and develop without a great deal of parental intevention. It was coined by Lenore Skenazy, who famously let her 9-year-old son find his way home on the New York City subway system alone and wrote about it in her New York Sun column. This style of parenting is known as "free-range" (and the term speaks for itself). Initially, I thought it would be wise to let them have as much freedom as possible because I wanted their independence and creativity to soar. Because of my 5-year-bout with infertility, I had plenty of time to daydream about how I would raise my kids. If any are relatable, don't worry, these solutions can put you back on track.īefore I began parenting my brood of eight, I didn't realize there were several parenting styles. These five problems may seem innocent enough but can derail your parental authority if ignored. Even though we're trying our best, several common parenting mistakes crop up and can be detrimental over time if neglected. The fact is that kids don't come with an owner's manual, so we rely on our instincts and the guidance of others, particularly during the beginning years, to hopefully get it right. As parents, we tend to have high expectations of ourselves.